


God Only Knows Why Love Is Drenched In Tears

by DavyJones



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Heartbreak, M/M, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-08-02
Packaged: 2019-06-20 18:28:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15540336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DavyJones/pseuds/DavyJones
Summary: Lewis moves out.





	God Only Knows Why Love Is Drenched In Tears

**Author's Note:**

> An attempt at something less cheery.
> 
> \---  
> Title is from Hillsong United's "Heaven Knows".

They didn’t exactly fight. There was no bad blood. No harsh words. No hate. And yet here he was, standing in the hall alone, looking at Lewis’ figure getting smaller and then rounding the corner to the lifts. Nico felt like crying and he didn’t know why, he thought he would have accepted it by now. His eyes didn’t care. They started to well up and the first tear slowly rolled down his cheek. He didn’t wipe it away.

-  


“I’m moving out.” Nico froze, one hand on a water bottle in the fridge that was slipping back into the door. “It’s all arranged, you won’t have to do anything. My brother is coming over and we’ll handle the rest.”

By the time Nico had turned around, Lewis was already done talking. A knot started forming in his chest that spread to his throat and he felt like he would have to choke right then and there. He wished he would. He wished he had slammed the fridge door into his face seconds earlier and Lewis wouldn’t have said anything. Or he could have fainted because he didn’t get to drink his water. Anything that wasn’t this.

The German’s palms felt wet when he put them on the kitchen island that was between them and tried to hold on to it. He didn’t ask why. No words left his lips and Lewis didn’t seem to expect any. They looked at each other, Lewis’ brown eyes showing no sign of emotion but Nico knew it wasn’t true. He may be able to deceive the media but he knew him better than most. It must have been a hard decision to make and the timing of the announcement showed he cared. He didn’t want to make it too hard on either of them by presenting Nico with a fait accompli. Nico didn’t doubt Lewis still loved him. He always would, just like he would always love Lewis. More than they could ever love another person. Except love doesn’t suffice.

The coldness and silence that had settled between them went ignored. Every touch had felt more lifeless as the months passed. Going out was like being with a ghost, untouchable, unreachable, strangers more real than the each other. Every kiss more like silicone and plastic, lips touching out of habit rather than intention. A fall that could not be stopped.

When Lewis came around the counter to lightly touch Nico’s hand and ask if he understood, it felt like a nettle sting. Like the pain would never go away, last days, weeks, years, even though it would only be a few seconds, minutes.

With a look at Lewis’ hand on his, Nico tried to speak around the knot.

“No, Lewis. I don’t understand.” A whisper.

“I think you do.” Lewis’ voice sounded soft next to his ear. He could feel his breath close as if for the first time. The first time in a shared hotel room. Breaths of laughter back then, not of sadness. His hand suddenly felt colder than before and Lewis placed his hands on his shoulders. With a wistful look Lewis pressed a kiss to Nico’s forehead and turned to walk into their bedroom.

Nico had hoped everything would go back to normal eventually. Even after having gone days without talking he accepted it as something that would go away. He held onto the love they knew they shared. It wasn’t enough. Lewis had known. Maybe deep down Nico had know too. But Lewis was the stronger one. Not strong enough to say it out loud but strong enough to leave.

There was no point in convincing him to stay. No argument could change his mind now, there was nothing left to save. Lewis had decided for the both of them.

-  


Nico heard the elevator door open and close. Felt the tears roll over his lips where Lewis’ were moments before. The sounds around the corner got muffled and he was gone. Gone for Nico and only for Nico. The only man he had ever loved, out of his reach forever. They didn’t have a fight, but they didn’t fight either.


End file.
